Last wk at home late at night I was preparing to
go to bed after another long crappy day at work.
I was thinking about having to wake up at 6:30
in the morning after about 6 hours
of sleep and strain throught out for next 9 hours
doing something i really did not like, dispatching.
That is dispatching of tickets to colleagues in the
team rather than doing the work yourself.
Well, I shall not disclose too much about my work life,
so I will not go too far.
So, I had had few bouts of chess on chess.com
and as always fuming about my lost chances and
mistakes on the board. I noticed a small reddish
insect flying around, no doubt it was a nasty cockroach.
Instinctively I had to reach out for the baygone
spray I keep under the kitchen cupboard, by the fridge.
I am not a Tibetan, I don't beleive the insect could be
my grand mother reincarnated. So I never had trouble
smashing up any lower beings like the pests and insects.
I just don't give a fuck.
When people tell me not to kill spiders, I just feel how
hypocrytic it all is, like the 'fishterians' who call themselves
vegetarians without an ounce of shame because they
don't eat other forms of meat. Well on my bend to grab
the baygone spray can though I noticed
something that horrified me. A heater ring in my
kitchen was full blown on and red. Switch for one of the
grills was also turned on. I did notice a slight rise of
temperature in the room before, but the way the weather
has been in Sydney, its boiling hot every evening.
This is specially true to my top floor flat. My bedroom
is lot cooler though as it does not get any sun.
So two of the heaters were fully
on, for God knows how long. I was petrified and stared
at the red heater coil for half a minute before proceeding
to kill the insect. Unsatisfied, I even beat it to
death with a broom.
After disposing of it in the rubbish bin, I stood still in
the kitchen for a long time before I could sink into the
feeling of what might have happened if this cockroach
had not appeared suddenly in front of my TV.
A fire would have been most likely. Few days ago I had
got so angry with things going out of whack in daily life
that I had cursed God few times and claimed to myself that
I am becoming more and more atheist. With this incident
however, I could feel him looking down at me
with a sarcastic smile on his face.
On Saturday when I was at a friend's home, him mother
asked me if I killed the cockroach. Now I am feeling bad
I killed it. I should have just thrown it away alive. Not for
the bad karma, just genuine regret over violently taking
life of someone who might have accidentally saved mine.
